Wednesday, September 7, 2011
CONAN: THE BARBARIAN REVIEW!!!!! (No, you cant possibly write this without an all caps rage)
After his father is murdered and village destroyed, Conan ventures into an unforgiving world where he survives as a thief, pirate, and warrior. On his path of wanton adventure and women, Conan chances upon the warlord responsible for his tribe's destruction. As he tracks Khalar Zym, Conan battles monsters, Zym's henchmen, and Marique, a powerful witch.
(yes i know there are better pictures of the movie but i chose this one for a reason. Also due to the character of the movie the whole review will be written in an all caps rage, so imagine me yelling whatever you read viciously while wearing nothing but fur pants and holding an axe)
CONAN THE BARBARIAN! WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY? THE MOVIE INVOLVES AROUND CONAN WHO WITNESSES HIS WHOLE VILLAGE KILLED BY A WARLORD THAT WANTED TO RECREATE A MAGICAL MASK TO RESURRECT HIS DEAD WIFE AND DROWN THE WORLD IN BLOOD AND CONAN SWEARS VENGEANCE. CLASSICAL CLICHE FANTASY THEME.
WHEN I WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE I EXPECTED TO SEE VIOLENCE, A BIT OF NUDITY AND A SEX SCENE. AND OFF COURSE THE MOVIE HAD EVERYTHING OF THE ABOVE. HOWEVER IT WAS BETTER THAN I EXPECTED. FIRST OF ALL THE CAST WAS PRETTY GOOD. I RECOGNIZED A FEW ACTORS AND THE ONE THAT PLAYED THE EVIL WITCH WAS NONE OTHER THAN PAGE FROM CHARMED!!!! YES!!! EVEN AS AN UGLY ASS WITCH SHE WAS KINDA HOT!!! THE BATTLE SCENES WERE VIOLENT AND PLENTY YET THEY WERE NOT ENTIRELY UNREALISTIC. ALSO ADD TO THAT THE COUNTLESS POINTLESS SCREAMS OF MANLY BRUTAL RAGE FOR NO REASON AND YOU GET THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF CONAN.
OTHER THAN THE ABOVE THE MOVIE OFFERED LITTLE. THE SCENARIO WAS EASILY PREDICTABLE, THE EFFECTS WERE NICE, NOT SPECTACULAR BUT THEY BLENDED NICELLY, CONAN WAS TOO COOL TO WEAR A SHIRT AND EVEN IN THE FINAL SCENES WHERE HE WORE ARMOR IT WAS STRANGELY TIGHT TO MAKE SURE HIS MUSCLES COULD SHOW.
I DONT THINK THERE IS MUCH ELSE TO SAY, THE MOVIE IS GOOD AND YOU CAN PASS THE TIME WELL BUT I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT FOR THE MOVIES UNLESS THERE IS PRETTY MUCH NOTHING ELSE TO SEE. ITS BETTER TO WATCH AT HOME WITH FRIENDS TO MAKE FUN OF THE WHOLE "IM TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT" THING GOING ON.
Yiota's edit: I will let the review as it is..but not do this again? :P
Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: its not my fault that the pic was that HUGE! i have no idea how to fix that, thanks for the correction. The review hits the spot
Yiota's comments on Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: I was talking about the caps.
Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: you cant write a review about CONAN without caps
Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: Well, there in no other Conan movie announced so do NOT do this for another movie or whatever again.
Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: unless needed i wont....though i am thinking to turn the whole review to bold, it looks not as violent as it should....
Yiota's com....well you know the drill: no please do not. i will make it more violent for you. do not touch anything. and we better stop this? It's even bigger than the review.LOL
Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's comment on Johnny's comment on Yiota's edit: FINE
Posted by JohnnyB at 10:37 PM
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